As a 30-year-old woman originally from Calcutta, now working in Bombay, earning ₹1 lakh per month, my journey through relationships and arranged marriage prospects has raised questions about honesty, virginity, and societal expectations. Read my story.
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The Decision to Embrace Arranged Marriage
I am a 30-year-old woman, originally from Calcutta but currently working in Bombay, earning ₹1 lakh per month. My life has been anything but simple. Over the years, I’ve been in relationships at various stages of my life. Each of them failed for different reasons. I’ve loved, lost, and learned—but one thing has remained constant: I am not a virgin.
Two years ago, exhausted emotionally and disillusioned by dating, I decided to take the arranged marriage route. It felt like a practical choice, a way to find stability and companionship without the emotional chaos of modern dating. Little did I know that this path would lead me to a new set of challenges.
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The Question That Changed Everything
In the past two years, I’ve met many eligible bachelors through arranged marriage setups. At first, things seemed promising. These men appeared genuinely interested in me, their words and actions laced with warmth and curiosity. But then, almost without fail, the conversation would veer into dangerous territory. They would ask me about my virginity and “body count.”
I’ve always been honest. Honesty, after all, felt like the right thing to do. Yet, this very honesty has become my punishment. Almost every man rejected me because of my past. Some were blunt about their inability to trust a woman who isn’t a virgin. Others cited trivial reasons for their rejection, but I could sense the truth. And then there were those who simply ghosted me—disappearing into silence as if my past were too much for them to handle.
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The Pain of Rejection
The rejections hurt. Every time, it felt as if I was being punished for living my life with authenticity. My honesty, which I valued so deeply, became a weapon used against me. Each rejection made me question myself. Is it fair for my past to dictate my worth? Why should my virginity, or lack thereof, hold such weight in defining who I am as a person?
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Questioning Societal Norms
I began to ask myself difficult questions:
- Why do men feel entitled to judge women based on their sexual history?
- Why is it that I never asked any of them about their pasts? I didn’t care, so why did they?
- Is male ego so fragile that it cannot accept a sexually active woman?
These questions consumed me. It felt deeply unfair that my worth was reduced to a single aspect of my life. I’m more than my sexual history—I’m a hardworking professional, a loving daughter, a loyal friend, and a woman with dreams and aspirations. Yet, none of that seemed to matter.
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Family Pressure and Advice
My family, seeing my struggles, began advising me to tell “white lies.” “What’s the harm in saying you’re a virgin?” they asked. “If it helps secure a marriage, it’s worth it.”
But would lying truly solve the problem? Would I be able to live with the guilt of starting a relationship on a foundation of dishonesty? Would it be wise to deceive someone about such a significant part of my life? These questions haunted me as I tried to navigate the conflicting advice and societal expectations.
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Seeking Answers
I’ve been trying to find the best way to address these invasive questions. Should I continue being honest, knowing it might lead to rejection? Or should I adapt, giving answers that men want to hear, even if they’re not entirely truthful?
The crux of the issue isn’t just about my virginity. It’s about the larger problem of how women are judged and the double standards we face. Why are men so concerned with a woman’s past when they expect forgiveness and acceptance for their own?
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My Final Thoughts
This journey has been painful, but it has also been eye-opening. It’s made me question not just societal norms but also my own beliefs about honesty, trust, and love. At the end of the day, I believe that my past doesn’t define me—my actions, values, and aspirations do. But convincing the world of this feels like an uphill battle.
To all the women who’ve faced similar struggles, I ask: How do you deal with these questions? Do you believe honesty is the best policy, or is it better to conform to societal expectations? Share your thoughts; together, we can navigate these complex challenges.
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January 11, 2025
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